Home Free Coaching with Jennifer Lyman

Missing him

I miss my husband…

Sometimes I feel like I have to be superhuman. Like I need to spend my days with my house put together, read self help books, homeschool my kids perfectly, bake my children cookies with organic ingredients, work full time, work out 5x/week, drink more water, get more sleep, be a good friend and a gracious and giving person. Some days I just don’t have it in me and I’m going to just flat out say it…THIS IS NO FUN.

  • My house looks like a tornado went through it Tuesday-Friday.
  • I do not read, nor do I enjoy it.
  • I kinda, sorta homeschool my kids when I remember.
  • I buy cookies with a ton of artificial ingredients because its easier.
  • I took time off of work to get these things done.
  • I maybe exercise 1x/week.
  • I am fueled by coffee, not water.
  • I go to bed at 1 am most nights because I can’t sleep without him here with me.
  • I am a terrible friend right now. Not on purpose, my life is just so busy and my kids are my priority right now.
  • I am quick to anger and slow to forgive.

There you have it. All my secrets are out.

Military life is so hard. Just plain hard. There are so many things that run through my mind daily that I legitimately forget to drink water and take care of myself because I am constantly taking care of other people. I always put myself last, which I think is a natural tendency as a mother and military wife. We have to “hold down the fort” and say that we are “good” and “fine”, when really we want a weekend away by ourselves with nothing to do, and I mean nothing. What would I even say if I told the truth? I’m exhausted; that would be the very first thing.

This is where my husband usually steps in. This is where I would usually hand over the kids and say, it’s your turn and he would gladly share in the duties of parenthood. He would tell me to drink a glass of wine, relax in the hot tub and he’s got this. He would make dinner and clean up and then let me binge my favorite shows while he puts them to bed. I don’t have that luxury now so I am learning to cope.

I am not striving for perfection, because I am not perfect.

I’m not superwoman and that’s ok.

Military wives in the back you need to hear this, we are not superwoman. We are allowed to have bad days and you can come out on the other side. We are allowed to sit in sadness as we miss our spouses and fully feel that. Most people do not understand and we shouldn’t expect them to, that is not fair to them at all. Let people in and let them help! Don’t push any of your emotions aside, whatever they may be, and try to hide them because that is when that downward spiral will happen. The anger, the paralyzing shutdown, the miscommunication and the hermit-like behavior. Please do not do this to yourself!

Find someone to talk to, whether that is a trusted friend that will just listen or a family member you knows cares for you, or even a trained counselor if you are having trouble coping. I would also be happy to connect with you and just talk with you, whether to just listen, or offer advice, you choose. I do not have all of the answers and clearly I am not superwoman (I mean come on, I buy chemical cookies and drink coffee like water), but I CAN say that I have been there, I have been where you are and I am here now. Miss your spouse fully so when they come they are wanted, needed and cherished. While they’re away, they need to know they are missed and a huge part of your life is gone.

You’re not powering through, some days maybe you are just to survive, but be careful or you might crash.

It’s ok to make it work with what you have to give and admit you are missing them. Give yourself grace. Period.

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